Call Me Crazy : Mai Shumi

Of course, I’m crazy, but that doesn’t mean I’m wrong. – Robert Wilson

CALL ME CRAZY


I would like to call you crazy but that isn’t enough.

It first started when you thought that your sacred moments in the soundless dark room would remain muzzled.

A part of you knew those moments wouldn’t stay scared for long.

Not that you had a problem with standing in the light and sharing your beautiful seconds, but you hoped that it would stay pure forever, untainted and most of all safe from the cynics.

The cynics that looked at you and thought, I would like to call you crazy but that isn’t enough.

I still would like to call you crazy, crazy because; as those days flashed in front of you and everything became something you did not imagine, more like a dream, a fairytale, a moment only written in the sky; your heart listened and muffled the world and the so loud pessimists.

You could hear the voices loud and clear, telling you that your love was impossible, awkward and would not stand the test of time but you walked away with your hearts knotted and your souls joint.

I would like to call you crazy but that isn’t enough.

Crazy because you could not imagine spending any second apart from the other part of your soul.

You learned to cherish every Jozi taxi ride, the very long walks in the hood, every dorm sneak in,  but most of all every I love you.

All those moments that could seem pointless to the cynics meant everything to you.

Sometimes the moments seemed like too much, almost too crazy to live through every day; but because your souls were joint, those moments became even more precious.

I would like to call you crazy but that isn’t enough.

Doubters still believed you were really crazy, they did not know that your joint souls got an opportunity to create together, to create a seed of love that only you could appreciate, a love that you would, unfortunately, hold for a few moments.

The love that left you unexpectedly became almost the end, this love looked at you and said, I would like to call you crazy but that isn’t enough.

Crazy is not enough to describe how your souls joint, how your hearts were knotted and how you could hold on for this long.

Love came and left you unexpectedly and after all the cynics thought they had won and looked at you and said, “…but we told you, crazy isn’t enough.”

The worst skeptics were the ones closest to your heart, their voices became louder than you could handle, they were screaming, reminding you that because of the seed of love that you only held for a few moments, your love was impossible, awkward and would not stand the test of time.

You then started to wonder how you were able to walk away with your hearts knotted and your souls joint for this long when everyone kept on saying, I would like to call you crazy but crazy is not enough.

You walked away, this time leaving the other part of your soul on the opposite side of the road looking at you in despair, no goodbye, and no explanation, just a reminder of what the cynics always said; your love is impossible, awkward and would not stand the test of time.

You walked away with your heart knotted and your soul still joint to your other half and waited, waited for a sign, a sign that you would soon get your sacred moments back, moments that would stay pure forever, untainted and most of all safe from the cynics.

Time passed and life moved on and the cynics were now silenced.  After so long your heart was still knotted and your soul still joint but you were sad and still waiting patiently for a sign.

What could this sign be; a shooting star, a dream or even a chance encounter with the other part of your soul? The sign never came and you realised that you could no longer wait, the cynics were right, you are crazy and that is not enough.

It is not enough because you were able to leave everything for nothing; it is not enough because it couldn’t stop you from walking away with no explanation, crazy is not enough because it broke your other half.

Crazy is not enough because it will not recreate those sacred moments, those long hood walks, the spending every second of your day together days, crazy is not enough to make things right, crazy proved the cynics right because it was not enough.

Today you sit there and agree with the doubters, and say “I would like to call myself crazy but that is not enough.”

Call me crazy because my heart remained knotted and my soul joint to yours from the sacred moments in the dark soundless room.

Call me crazy because I remained sad and incomplete from the moment I left you on the other side of the road and spent time looking for a sign, a reminder that my soul was joint to yours.

Call me crazy because I finally understood what everyone meant, I was crazy in love with you but that was not enough.

Life dealt us some strange circumstances and pain but the one thing that I am more than certain of is how joint our souls are.

I needed to keep our moments pure forever, untainted and safe from the cynics because even though their voices were loud and clear our love is possible, beautiful, genuine and not altered by time.  Call me crazy because I never said I am sorry.

MaiShumi.

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